Livejournal Entries

Date: 2004-09-14 13:47
Subject: It’s like driving down a dark highway with no lights on…
Security: Public

It’s been a very long while since I’ve written anything in this journal. I almost forgot the password. It’s also been a long time since I’ve had the desire to write anything. And yet, I finally do. I do have the desire again. I want to write stories… poems…. words. But, now that I have the desire, I wonder if I have the ability. I can’t seem to see the words I want to use. Somehow, I have to try though. If I don’t, I may lose whatever this need is. Even typing in this journal feels good. Stay tuned… I may have something to show for in a month or so.

Date: 2003-12-03 13:57
Subject: Where does the time go…
Security: Public

It has been a very long while since I’ve written in this journal. I almost forgot about it. Not really. I just haven’t felt like writing in general, and of course, that doesn’t bode well for a journal specifically about my writing experiences and process (what experiences and processes).

I had wanted to do Nanowrimo again. Or rather try it again. I didn’t really do much writing. Didn’t finish it. Not much of a word count. Oh well. I am no longer worried about it. Maybe I am not cut out for writing, but I’ll keep trying no matter how bad of a story teller and writer I am. I’ll just be the bane of the word processor.

Don’t ask me what this means, I just felt like writing it down: There are moments of perfect peace and harmony in your life where you can believe in the goodness of humanity… in some sort of benevolent higher being or power…. where the universe seems to sing out with a sound so pure and gracious that you can’t help but smile. Pity that those moments come so rarely to me these days. But at least I still recognize them for what they are. Balance.

Date: 2003-06-23 05:25
Subject: I am trying…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 257 (“A Voice So Pure” [Total: 751 Words])

I am trying. Honest I am. I think I have a handle on this one. I know where I want it to go. I know most of the characters in my head. I know where it’ll end up… well almost. I just wonder if I can tell the story well enough. It will definitely be one of the more longer stories that I’ve written. That doesn’t mean much though, now does it ;). I only hope I can do it justice. Well enough so that the editing process can salvage it.

Any ways, signing off. Toodles.

Date: 2003-06-11 01:13
Subject: Tell me about it…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 122 (“And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon…” [Total: 874 Words])

I haven’t really written that many in one day. It’s more like a progression of writing over several days. I did, however, finish editing “Pandora’s Box” and submitted it to the contest. It ran about 2955 words. So now I am gonna try to write three stories in about two months for another writing contest (including revisions) in an attempt to break my neck and bust my brains all over the keyboard. It’s ambitious… I know. But hey, considering that only a few nights ago I went through a massive attack of “I’m not fit to use pen and paper much less a keyboard and software,” I think I am doing all right with such thoughts. The way I figure… if I finish only one of them I am still ahead, and the entry fee is nominal. Why not go for it. And also, no one will have fears that I’ll win by some ironic twist of fate. See irony: one who doesn’t care to be known winning a contest where their name is shown in a semi-known anthology for the winners…. did I mention that the submission is voluntary. Yeah… no one is forcing me into this madness. Go figure.

On a closing note… someone actually called me a good storyteller… without prompting. That’s right! No bribery involved.

Gonna sign off now…. incidentally… I’ve been rereading these things and realized I should not be composing them in the wee hours of the mor…. well that’s not gonna happen now is it. Toodles.

And yes… once again I write more in here than actually writing a story. I did write some poems though. Even posted them at my site. Still… it’s a bit sad. Oh well.

Date: 2003-05-18 01:48
Subject: I keep starting things, but I don’t seem to finish anything.
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 752 (“And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon…” [Total: 752 Words])

I keep starting things, but I don’t seem to be finishing them. I’ve started yet another story… well two if you count “A Voice So Pure” from the other day… but I’ve not even finished the other two I’ve got going. Come to think of it, I don’t even have most of the stories I have on file finished beyond a few thousand words. I am so bad at this sometimes it’s not even funny. But at least the ideas are coming to me. I mean a year ago… heck a few months ago I couldn’t have said that. In fact that was something that always scared me off from writing. What if I did manage to get something published by some heaven-sent publisher and I couldn’t keep delivering. What if there weren’t anymore ideas for me to write about… no more stories for me to tell. It seems ridiculous I know, but it’s a real fear of mine. Lately though those feelings have been diminishing. Admittedly, I still have the same thoughts, but they aren’t as pronounced. Good things I think.

Anyways, this story is about a couple taking a romantic stroll on a bridge. Just so happens that this bridge is under a dome covering a colony on the Lunar surface. Again, not sure where it’ll lead, but I’ve got to keep trying.

Signing off…

Date: 2003-05-11 19:46
Subject: Been more than awhile, but not as long as before…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 294 (“A Sorta Fairytale” [Total: 2354 Words])
Editing Word Count: Before Edit: 2520; After Edit: 2725 (“Pandora’s Box”)

Well, it’s been awhile, but not as long as before. I’ve written more in Fairytale, but not enough to matter with the word count until today. But, I’ve had good reason. Since I realized that Fairytale is gonna be longer than the max. word count of 4,000 allowed for the contest I was gonna enter it in, I decided to edit an older piece of mine called Pandora’s Box. Definitely coming way under the 4,000 word limit, I really did enjoy reading it and writing it. I think it’s a more complete story because of the editing. Or at least I hope so.

So, I have more of an idea where Fairytale will be going, and I have an idea where another story I want to write is gonna go. That one is going to be about music and what someone would do if they lost their talent. How far would a person go to gain their gift back. I think it’ll be interesting.

C-ya for now.

Date: 2003-04-12 03:27
Subject: The 2000 mark has been breached and passed!!!
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 434 (“A Sorta Fairytale” [Total: 2060 Words])

The 2000 mark has been breached and passed. Of course I am still not even into the main part of the story and the max. word count has to be under 4000. But that’s what editing is for right? Let the words fall where they may. Clean up will take care of the rest.

Still not averaging 500 words a night. And the other night, I didn’t even write enough to warrant a count. Just sorta looked at it really. But it’s coming along. And I did end up writing a poem so that was progress of sorts. Got to get around to posting some new poems to the site soon. My public is getting restless… hahaha.

Well, gonna sign off now.

Date: 2003-04-10 03:56
Subject: This is getting to be a regular thing…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 479 (“A Sorta Fairytale” [Total: 1626 Words])

This is indeed getting to be a regular thing. Almost 500 words in one day. Now I know that to some that really isn’t that much, but to me it’s a lot. The story is plodding along. It’s still on the beginning. The adventure hasn’t really started, but I am introducing the main characters of the story. Well the ones that happen to be in the reality part any ways. I’ve gotta establish some kind of empathy for these people. And I think the characters are really starting to develop. Of course this doesn’t mean a thing. I’ve been known to start stories and not finish them *coughDoorwayscough*. But I wanna finish this one. Heck, I wanna finish all the stories I’ve ever started. If I actually did that, I’d have enough for some kind of anthology. Oh the dreams of the hapless. They are nice though.

Continually signing off on something or another… I should really read things before I sign them… 🙂

Date: 2003-04-09 02:04
Subject: And yet again… more trickling.
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 204 (“A Sorta Fairytale” [Total: 1147 Words])

Wow! Over 1,000 words. Only a bit over 200, but still good. The story is coming along well. Not sure how many people I’ll let read it when it’s done. If it’s good enough, I’ll submit it for the Writer’s Digest Contest that ends around the beginning of May along with some poems. It’ll be a good experience I think. Still thinking about some other stories as well. How to fix them. How to write them. May even think of submitting them when they get done. Who knows. I’ve done crazier things. Any ways, gone let the writing doodler rest and try again later on.

Signing off.

Date: 2003-04-08 02:07
Subject: And the dam keeps springing leaks…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 369 (“A Sorta Fairytale” [Total: 943 Words])

Wow… more writing done. Both on short story front and a bit on the poetry front, although I am convinced that all the poems I’ve written recently are drivel. I have been writing more and more quote-like prose though. Like someday these bits and pieces will end up spewing forth from some character yet formed in my psyche. Scary thoughts, eh.

Signing off for now.

Date: 2003-04-07 02:53
Subject: Finally… something slips out. Just in time, too.
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 574 (“A Sorta Fairytale” [Total: 574 Words])

Finally… I’ve done some writing. And, it feels so good. I think this has been building for a long while. The basic story is about a little boy and his mother and a fairytale world that may not be any better than his own reality. That’s all for now.
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Date: 2003-03-24 00:55
Subject: Still Nothing Yet…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 0

And still nothing yet to report on the writing front, but on the idea front I seem to have some definite flow. Hopefully, these ideas will culminate in some stories… some good stories. It could happen. Well, next time I should have something written. Hopefully.

Date: 2003-02-25 18:11
Subject: It’s been so long….
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 0

Well, it has been so long since I’ve done any writing in this journal much less fiction. Mostly because I’ve been sick for the past few weeks, but also because I just didn’t feel like writing. However, I do have some news about a new story idea I’ve been thrashing around. It’s about music e.g. singing and cloning. I like the story idea and the characters that are developing from it. Hopefully, I’ll get off my proverbial writing butt and be damned the hacking cough and just write the story down.

Of course this doesn’t leave me off the hook with the other stories I’ve got mulling around. I figure they aren’t ready for me to write them down just yet. Someday they will be. It’s a good thought, neh.

Date: 2003-01-14 17:48
Subject: A little bit at a time…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 60 (“DoorWays” [Total: 1121 Words])

So I didn’t write at all for like four days and 60 words hardly makes up for the lapse,but it’s progress. There have been times where one day was sufficient enough to break my writing esteem, and I would not write for months at a time. I would basically wait for this tremendous build up to come in compulsive form and then I would have no choice but to write something — anything. Some of the reason for the not writing this past weekend was cause I was doing errands, but really Friday and Monday I just didn’t feel like writing.

The story is coming along though. It always seems hardest for me to write the beginning. Middles and endings seem to come much easier for me. The problem then…. finding that point in the story where it is no longer the beginning, but the rest of it. It’s mostly a mental issue within my mind as to why story beginnings cause me so much trouble. Of course writing the actual ending is also a problem ;). But I do know how the story ends. It’s just that no one else does.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be more productive.

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On another note, I saw this huge pile of dirt at a construction site the other day and it reminded me of that old saying, “Making mountains out of mole hills”. It’s such a great saying that I may go ahead and use it for something. Not only as a title, but the whole image of this huge pile of dirt that was framed by that twilight blue of the sky where it seems to gradate from white to dark blue. It was awesome in it’s presence and I know that image has to have a story in it somewhere.

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Another thing that seems to be lagging in my writing is my poetry. It’s not that I haven’t written any lately. It’s just that I don’t think they are any good. They don’t catch me wondering who wrote them the way some of my other poems have despite the fact that I know very well that I did. Oh well. Can’t force it.

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Ha ha…. just noticed I’ve written more now than in my own story today. See how mindless drivel seems easier to write than something that might be full of substance. As well as the fact that the server acted up a bit when I first submitted this post giving me the opportunity to go ahead and add on some things I hadn’t intended to write about. Sheesh, procrastination reigns supreme.

Date: 2003-01-09 23:34
Subject: Still Plodding Along…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 91 (“DoorWays” [Total: 1061 Words])

Not too many words today, but still working on the story. Trying to add some new characters to the mix. This story is gonna need mucho editing after I’m done, but that’s half the fun. The other half is the paper cuts I’ll get while leafing through the pages. Who knows — maybe I’ll get motivated later to make up for today’s measly count. Here’s hoping.

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On another note, went past this warehouse type building that is basically a place they keep burial vaults. It’s always fascinated me how it’s just there by the road. Seems to me it should be set deeper…. away from the roads so you can’t quite see it. Made me think it could fit into a story, but not sure what kind just yet. The obvious choice would be horror or thriller. But then again I am jumping all over the place these days when it comes to genres. Next thing you know I’ll be writing some kind of romance novel. Nothing against romance writers but it’s just not my bag. Shoot me if I ever try one. Now happy accidents…. that could work.

Date: 2003-01-08 15:35
Subject: There they are! Well one of them any ways…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 339 (“DoorWays” [Total: 970 Words])

Doing good so far, eh. And such a strange turn of events in this story. It turns out not all my science fiction ideas have taking a bender at the mind bar so to speak. This short story is about a time traveler who returns to a present he doesn’t like and is not his own. Basically, he’s been a time traveler all his life. Always popping in and out of Time and returning to his present. Over the course, he’s become used to the idea and practicality of causing time changes in general history. They are unavoidable and seemingly inconsequential, but what he’s not used to is causing major changes in his own life and the lives of the people around him.

And this is the thrust of the story I think. How would someone who is used to dealing with changes in human history deal with changes in his own personal history. The story is about what he…. or anyone for that matter…. would do if faced with something like this. Would he attempt to get his old life back? Would he be able to? Or would he enjoy the new changes in his life? Especially when those changes are not only life altering but gender altering.

Not sure where this one is gonna go. It might end up being fluff and nonsense. Who knows.

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The other pieces I am fiddling with are an urban fairytale and a Gothic Fantasy with a bit of science fiction mixed in. The fairytale is revolving around a mother and son and a fantasy world that may not be so fantasy or fantastic but still much needed in their lives. The Gothic Fantasy…. or maybe it is science fiction after all is the one I plan on turning into a novel…. three in fact. Yes, that’s right, a trilogy. Big plans for someone who can’t even think beyond 5000 words. But I think there is something to tell there so I am gonna do it. Something to tell of Cyborg Vampires and priests with little or no faith. Whatever will a poor semi-writer do.

Date: 2003-01-07 22:10
Subject: Words Count…
Security: Public

Word Count for the Day: 115 (“DoorWays” [Total: 631 Words])

Well I’ve decided that when I do write for the day, I will list the word count for the story as well as its working title. Hopefully, this will be an added incentive for writing a little bit each day instead of a whole bunch sporadically. Gotta get some good habits going even if it’s not good writing. Toodle Pip!

Date: 2003-01-02 23:30
Subject: What am I Thinking……..
Security: Public

Most of what I seem to be writing lately… when I actually write… seems to be circling around religion… more specifically, faith. Not just religious faith, but faith in one’s self and in those you love and trust as well as those you don’t. More than likely this was brought about by inundating myself with these programs on the History Channels that pertain to ancient religions and different faiths around the world and it’s permeating my thoughts. Several of the story ideas I have seem to center around what faith is and how it can effect one or many. How it seems to drive humans into deep insanity or the highest forms of perfection. (Didn’t that sound pretty ;).)

Later, I might give a short summary of what I’ve been working on. It’s not much, but they are getting there. Who knows what I can wring out of my warped little psyche.

In the meantime…. I’m wondering where all the science fiction story ideas are going in my brain. Are they having some kind of party and not letting me in the bar? Hmmmm….. Oh well, I am sure they’ll be back.

“Faith is that one thing in which you do not walk blindly into the light but openly into the dark.” — larisse 10-06-02

Date: 2003-01-01 17:13
Subject: And then came the rains….
Security: Public

Of all the things I’ve ever done…. writing seems to have stayed with me the longest. I have yet to get it out of my system,despite my best efforts… or worst efforts as the case may be. Hopefully this journal of sorts will find some pattern…. some reason to why it matters to me so much. So here I’ll set to record, if only for my own self examination, the why of things. It’s all I can do.