Cussing is a birthright…

Wow… aren’t I a melancholy piece of shit. Apparently, I like to wallow in self-pity. Dirty bugger state of being that it is. If I were someone else, I’d slap me in the face, but alas, I am me, and I hate to inflict undue pain on myself. Oh well, back to the drawing board that is my silly attempts at writing. One of these days those jump starts are gonna fracking work, I tell you. Just you fracking wait.

Are dreams meant to fade…

Are dreams meant to fade away? Or are they meant to settle in the back of the mind and wait for the right moment to spring forth fully realized like Athena from Zeus’s head? I used to have this dream about winning the Philip K. Dick Award for distinguished science fiction books published for the first time in the United States as a paperback original. I know, a strange dream. I am not even sure how I learned about it the first time. I don’t remember when I first noticed it or what book I was reading. All I remember thinking was that someday I was going to win it for something I wrote. I mean I just knew it.

Now, I don’t know anymore. I wish I could get back that certainty of youth. I wish I could get back all the confidence I had when I wrote that first magic sentence. It just seems so pointless when everything I start writing pales in comparison to the story I have in my head. I wish I could find my way back to that time, but like Hansel and Gretal, the birds have eaten my breadcrumbs. The really sad thing is is that the stories I have in my head now are much more interesting than the ones I had when I was younger.

As for that on-line writing class I was taking, I didn’t keep up with writing assignments the way I would have liked, but I plan on retaking it when it comes around again.